Anxiety while dating someone new
e H: What if things don’t work out, then how does one handle that? Chansky: Remember that you can’t control the outcome of a date.You can’t guarantee that it will be great and…importantly…that’s not a reflection on you. The other person has responsibility for the chemistry too.Dating is typically a situation where people feel scrutinized, have to meet new people, and may fear they’ll do something embarrassing.In this way, dating only adds fuel to the anxiety fire.hether you're as cool as a cucumber in the first stages of romance, ignore your date's follow-up once you realize you like this person, or sit by the phone anxiously awaiting a call no matter how interested you actually are, your attachment style is always at play.Formed as a child, it often surfaces early in relationships when expectations are high, and miscommunication shows up in abundance.People who suffer from anxiety may have more frequent anxious thoughts, or more extreme catastrophic outcomes in mind, but the solution is the same either way and it’s all about what expectations you have for dating. It won’t jinx you if you let go of the big goal, quite the opposite: it will free you up to be present, pay attention and enjoy. Whereas the facts sound like this: I have interests, I have things to talk about that I care about. Think of it as the New York Times covering your date rather than The National Enquirer.Rather than be dragged around by your imagination which is moving fast and furious, racing ahead, analyzing this and that, be in the moment. In the first column, write down your fears, in the second column, write down the facts. Even if she’s not interested in everything I say, we are likely to find some things in common, and if we don’t, that’s a no fault thing. e H: What if you’re really nervous that you won’t know what to say? Chansky: While we might be totally fine talking to a stranger next to us on a plane or at a conference, somehow when we think about what to say on a date we draw a big blank. Don’t stick with that first thought — move on to the truth: you have lots to say. If there are silences, remember you share the responsibility with your date. Chansky: Don’t go into a date convinced that your tank is empty, that your cupboard is bare; take stock of who you are.
It is also natural to wonder whether someone you are attracted to (or dating) likes you in return.
The DSM-5 defines social anxiety as the “persistent fear of one or more situations in which the person is exposed to possible scrutiny by others and fears that he or she may do something or act in a way that will be humiliating or embarrassing.” Those who are shy, if not socially anxious, tend to experience social situations in a more reserved, tense and uncomfortable manner, especially when meeting new people.
It may take longer to open up and share, which can affect one’s ability to form close relationships.
At times, however, this social anxiety, fear of rejection, or shyness ends up holding some people back.
It preventing them from having the love life they want.